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ANTI-RELIGION
T-SHIRTS
Bash
God, Allah, Jesus, Elah, Ikanos, Jehovah, or whatever else you
call your Lord... |
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Fuck
Allah...
...And his Mindless Terrorist Followers Too. I'm all about
going straight to the top. And if you want to tell someone
to Fuck Off in Islam, I suggest Allah himself. His mindless
followers are a little lower on the totem pole of the
Muslim hierarchy, but might as well flip them the bird
as well before they blow themselves up looking for the
mystery virgins in the sky.
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Fuck
Islam...
... and the towel-headed camel-jockeys that practice it
too. Religion of Peace my ass. Towel headed Allah-akbar
bomb-strapping mother fuckers. These have to be the most
fucked up religious nuts since wacky Christians started
capping abortion doctors. This religion is shit (as are
most) and I suggest the wholesale ass kicking of anyone
we see outside of America praying five times a day facing
Mecca. (DISCLAIMER: The American ones should be
checked for citizenship and profiled but if they're citizens
fuck it. I'm never going to be the dick to suggest fucking
with anyone's civil liberties for a bit of security. As
much as I hate wacky terrorists, the government should
never fuck with a citizen without probable cause and full
due process.)
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Infidel
Damn is it nice not to be tied to some corny ass dogma.
I revel in the fact I am not crawling on the ground five
times a day praying to an imaginary friend. My lord requires
absolutely no sacrifices of any kind. I eat bacon, fuck
whores, work on any day I please, and save a grip of money
because I haven't tithed shit. And if this t-shirt wasn't
clear enough with the English spelling of infidel, I dropped
in the fine ass Arabic text as well so our towel headed
friends could get the message equally clear.
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Militant
Muslims are The Bomb
Yep, and they explode all over the damn place. Don't like
a location frequented by infidels, just strap on some
C4 and go blow yourself up in service of Allah. Woo hoo,
Mohammed will love you and grant you 72 virgins. Too bad
there is no Allah, no Virgins, and nothing except a whole
bunch of nasty exploded Muslim guts all over the place
now.
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Mohammed
Was a Terrorist
I have a pretty good feeling this one will rile up the
crazy Muslims. I have a small child's artistic interpretation
of Mohammed with a cute little bomb shoved into his turban
as a graphic here, with some clear and concise language
indicating that the prophet was nothing more than a common
criminal. Sorry if your rules prohibit you from drawing
your prophet, but he isn't my leader, and in America we
are allowed to fuck with anyone we like. So Mohammed sucked.
He was a terrorist. And a damn large portion of his current
followers are today.
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Jesus
Told Me...
...The Koran is Bullshit. How much do I love offending
two religious groups all at once? I'm all sacrilegious
for putting a picture of Jesus on a t-shirt to blaspheme
another religion and everyone's panties are in a bunch.
So get the tee, Muslims will hate you, the Christians
will despise you, and we here at bOffensive will be forever
indebted for you tithing to the church of assholeness.
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Cardinal
Bellarmine Quote
"To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as
erroneous as to claim that Jesus was not born of a virgin."
Yup Cardinal, I couldn't have said it better myself.
Love when religion punches itself in the face. Then
I can stand back and laugh as they try to clean up the
mess in their pants and make sure all the sheeple stay
along the straight and narrow.
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Where
Knowledge Ends, Religion Begins
If that ain't the most simple statement of religious truth
since Cardinal Bellarmine declared that there was no virgin
birth, I can't imagine what is. I'm a big fan of making
the religious wack-nuts as uncomfortable in their shoes
as they make me when I get dragged out of bed to answer
the door only to see them with some silly dress clothes
on walking around in 100 degree Vegas heat to give me
a piece of paper that says Jesus loves me. Well if Jesus
loved me he wouldn't have made me get out of bed at 9AM
on my day off bitch.
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Don't
Pray in My School...
...And I Promise I Won't Think in Your Church. Ain't that
cute? Thinking is so the antithesis of what one does in
church, and praying is about as useful as sleeping with
your books in improving grades at school. But fuck it,
the religio-sheep aren't big fans of logic or science
(Remember, the Earth is the center of the universe!) so
it is highly doubtful they give up the prayer thing anytime
soon.
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Fuck
You and Your Imaginary God
As if making up bullshit stories and putting them in a
book wasn't bad enough, then you have to come to my house
every month and wake me up to tell me I'm going to hell.
Well ya know what, Fuck You and Your Imaginary God. My
imaginary friend upstairs is a very big growling German
Shepard. Oh and guess what, he's not imaginary. If you
don't get the fuck off my front step, he's going to eat
your ass while your imaginary friend in the sky watches.
Fuck you.
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I
Talk to Jesus...
...He's My Mexican Gardener. But yeah, you talk to a special
imaginary Jesus who lives in a shiny castle in the sky.
He can walk on water, turn water to wine (then smite you
for being an alcoholic), and do a load more wicked bad-ass
magic tricks. Strange thing is though, my Mexican Jesus
shows up every weekend in a 63 Ford and has a grip of
tools and actually does some work. While your pseudo-Jesus
makes you talk to yourself and doesn't show up for shit.
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In
Loving Memory, Jesus H. Christ...
0-33 AD... Exactly. A perfect shirt for all the wacky
Mexican Catholics who have "In Loving Memory..." of someone
on the back of every car they drive. And I even did this
one in wicked cool Olde English font so it is truly hardcore
and matches the letters I see on the back of the lowriderz
on the "East Side." Yeah, or maybe your just a cynical
dickhead like me and think its funny to fuck with the
religious by making an In Loving Memory tee about Jesus
that the religio-tards cannot discern whether it is offensive
or a very kind gesture.
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Nothing
Fails Like Prayer
Well, maybe except recent Democratic Presidential Nominees.
Or maybe the War on Drugs. But all in all, prayer fails
really resoundingly. And it is ready to move into its
rightful spot right next to Jim Kelley's Buffalo Bills
for failing to deliver the goods. I tried it again last
night, praying that the skank next to me in bed would
be physically attractive to me in the morning, and alas,
to no avail I once again woke and swore off drinking for
another 8-10 hours.
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Religion
Breeds Conformity
God do I love simple statements of fact. They do so much
to convey a point without obfuscating the argument in
some mindless nuance that is usually lost on the religious
wacko-freaks. If you cannot tell that religion breeds
conformity take a look at the wankers riding the bikes
in white shirts and pressed pants coming door to door.
Or all the sheep heading off to service every Sunday morning
all dressed up and standing to sing on cue. Everyone kneeling
facing Mecca five times a day.... yeah, that's an individual
thought. Sheeple.
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Religion,
The World's First Weapon of Mass Destruction
Yep, guess what.... religion kills people way way more
than just about anything. Why do the wacky camel jockies
hate us? Ummmm..... religion. How about the loony folks
that shoot abortion doctors and every now and again beat
a fag to death? Yep, religion there again. For people
that preach forgiveness, tolerance, peace, and whatever
other horse shit the religio-dicks yip on about, they
are some of the biggest fucking killers ever.
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The
Bible is Fiction
Ok maybe it isn't. Maybe there was a virgin birth. And
some guy in a whale's stomach. And this other time when
some guy built a boat and rounded up all the species in
the world and took 'em on the boat with him. And then
it flooded. Who the fuck do the religio-nuts think they
are kidding? The Bible is even less believable than professional
wrestling.
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What
Would Judas Do
I kinda wonder? (If he wasn't another imaginary friend
the elder scribes just made up to make the storyline more
compelling.) And frankly he would probably more closely
resemble the shit that modern churchgoers do anyway. I
mean, seriously, have you seen any Church-Folks that really
even come close to representing what the ideal of Jesus
was? The turn the other cheek, forgive, expel the money
changers guy? Nah, I see the wacky right wingers loving
the money changers, advocating the death penalty left
and right, and now and again shooting up abortion clinics.
Hardly Jesus-like, yep, What Would Judas Do?
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Your
Commandments Only Belong In Your Church
Novel idea ain't it? Placing religious documents in religious
locations. So keep your silly anthem and marching orders
from above in your neck of the woods. I don't want to
think about your imaginary friend when I am in court,
or school, or anywhere else. you want made up friends?
Great, knock yourself out. but keep them the fuck away
from me.
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